“God’s great love and purposes for us are all worked out in messes in our kitchens and backyards, in storms and sins, blue skies, the daily work and dreams of our common lives. God works with us as we are and not as we should be or think we should be.” -Eugene Peterson
She smiled up at me as her swing chair rocked back and forth, with what I now know as an expectation for me to pick her up and take her along for the adventure of my morning routine. I smiled back, coffee in hand, and sat down in my reclining chair ready to read my devotional, catch up on the news, and then pray. I looked back at my daughter, swinging back and forth, and saw the smile turn to a frown, her eyes slowly drooping with the weight of small little tears that were forming, as she geared up to let me know that this is not what she expected.
I quickly put down my coffee and shuffled back over to her and watched as instantly the frown turned to a smile, the tears dried up, and her arms reached out to help me lift her out of her swing into my arms, ready for an adventure. As I held onto her a wave of deep emotions washed over me as I felt the pure, unadulterated joy my daughter had in being in my arms. The moment felt holy - like I was in the presence of the divine and the bush was not burning. And perhaps I was.
The above Eugene Peterson quote is from his book Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. Like all of Peterson's books, it’s incredibly quotable, but it’s the title that has stuck with me the most since I read it over a decade ago. How is Christ present in this place? How is the Holy Spirit at play in this event, this feeling, this argument, this sadness, this mourning, this joy, and this love? I can’t get that idea out of my head. And it’s not a grown-up’s version of “he sees you when you’re sleeping” type of thing, but more of observing Christ’s role as a guide leading me through a cliffside, his feet knowing each turn, each risk, each difficulty better than mine.
I’ve had these moments throughout my life but since my daughter was born almost 4 months ago they happen again and again and again. And each time I see more clearly how Christ is at play and while I don’t have 10,000 examples so far, here are the ones that have formed me in ways no book, mentor, or sermon could have.
Feeding
It was close to 10:30 in the evening so I put my book down, went to the fridge, and grabbed one of the bottles to warm for my daughter’s 11 o’clock feeding. Just as I put the bottle into the warm water I heard on the monitor a jostle and stirring, quickly realizing this might be a 10:45 feeding. I watched as her eyes slowly opened and the fog of sleep began to lift. Well, maybe this will be a 10:40 feeding.
As I put the bottle in my daughter’s mouth her toothless gums bit into it like it was a medium rare steak. She was drinking like she had not eaten in days. She downed that bottle faster than she’s ever done it before and as she neared the end I realized she wanted more. But I had not prepared more. The panic of the ticking time bomb began to set in.
I quickly got up, grabbed another bottle out of the fridge, and put it into the warm water. She was getting to the end, her sips pulling more air now than milk, and her eyes were beginning to open up. She knew. I can’t boil this water to make it faster? Nope. I have to just sit here, wait, and try to keep my now fully-awake-with-an-empty-bottle child from screaming her head off.
“for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!” Matthew 6:8
Unlike my daughter’s father, my Father knows exactly what I’m going to need before I even come to Him. Christ is not surprised or caught off guard. My Father knows me.
Nearness
My daughter is a social baby. She hates being held against your chest because that means she can’t see what’s going on. But in the hustle and bustle of the day, especially at church where she’s passed around to dozens of new faces, even she has her limits. And in those moments, you can see on her face she’s looking for the familiar. And the relief she shows when she finds it is visible. She longs for nearness to the familiar. To home. And after a second of being comforted against your chest - that’s enough. She needs to watch the world again, but this time while safe in her parent’s arms.
”But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;” Psalm 73:28
Presence
My wife was in the shower and, of course, the baby woke up. Children’s nack for interrupting their parent’s personal time seems to start at an early age? I went in and grabbed her pacifier and attempted to put it but she was not having it. She spit it out and screamed louder. I then gently placed my hand on her chest and began to sing to her a song my parents sang to me. She stopped crying, grabbed onto my hand, and listened intently until her eyes began to inch shut. I stopped singing and just left my hand on her chest and she grabbed it even harder. She did not need the pacifier, she needed to touch me and hold me. She apparently needed to feel safe.
“In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8
Burden
Tragedy struck my daughter’s playtime and tummy time. The crinkle paper sheet she was holding and gnawing on slipped from her fingers and landed smack in the middle of her face. She did not know what to do! She hasn’t figured out how to remove it just yet because she’s still attempting to master her fingers. As if that was not bad enough, she could not see anything except the black color of the crinkle paper. However, I was there so I lifted the crinkle paper off her face easily with just two fingers. Crisis averted, the burden lifted.
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. " Matthew 11:30
Prudent
This week my wife and I will be buying the house we’ve been stewards of for the last 4 years. We won’t need to take a mortgage for a combination of reasons (family & savings mainly) but Madison will grow up with parents who have no debt and own a house with no mortgage. But more importantly than a house and the wealth we will be able to build, she will have the example of prudence from a mother who loves Christ. And I have the blessing of knowing it was God who gave me both of them.
“House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14
Selah.